4 days to go. I am not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, I am pining for home and to be with Amy again, and starting to find the regularity of the days here quite tiring – this seems to be a pattern with me; I go to a new place, find the routine stimulating for a couple of weeks, and then have a period of restlessness while I become accustomed to the new way of life. Usually the routine becomes second nature after this, and the Stability that comes with it hugely benefits life and balance. On the other hand it will be sad to leave all the friends I have made here and the familiarity of the place which has been builtup over the last month. One thing I don’t want to leave are the vines, which I have spent the last fortnight de tangling and training in the greenhouse; I wish I could be here when the grapes are ripe and then later when they are pruned, but I shall probably just have to put that in the “Things to do when I get ordained” list, because there is no point starting vines in temporary accommodation with no greenhouse!
I had a long meeting with the Guardian today, which was very stimulating and helpful and tied up a lot of the loose ends I have been thinking about. I asked him two main questions; Are the Christian values of Pilsdon compatible with different Christian traditions, namely Open Evangelicalism? And, other than what goes on in the Chapel and Graces before meals would Pilsdon be noticeably different if it were a secular community? I hope he doesn’t mind if I try and summarise his answers here.
I think the short answer to the first was yes, but with certain disclaimers. The main issue being inclusivity – would the community continue to accept and respect the dignity of guests of different faiths or different sexual orientations if the guardian and/or members were of a more Evangelical bias, rather than the more Liberal-Catholic tradition of the current community. I personally think yes, although I do understand the worry. Interestingly it was one of the aspects of Pilsdon that Amy found difficult, the style of churchmanship, as she worried that as someone with different values she would struggle to be involved in such a community. I was the opposite – I had assumed Pilsdon was evangelical, and was pleasantly surprised to find out it was not. I personally feel that hospitality, unconditional love and care and serving the poor are non negotiables for all Christians, and therefore differences in views on Christian behaviour or worship styles are to me less important.
In answer to the second question the main differences might be: Risk taking – a secular community would probably take fewer financial and personal risks than Pilsdon, which believes in trust and second chances. Sacrificial living – the level of commitment required of the members is hard to parallel in the secular world, where else do you find people on call 6 days a week 24 hours a day who live where they work with no salary for many years? Community Building – Although guests come and go Pilsdon sees living in community as an end in itself, rather than the means to an end.
I hope this is a fair summary of our discussion – I haven’t commented on it at length because for the meantime I just wanted to get it down on paper while fresh in my mind, although more is to follow when I prepare my placement presentation. Any comments would be helpful.
We also discussed some more personal issues, and I was grateful for the chance to chat about some of the things that my stay here has brought to the surface. One of the things that comforts and disturbs me about being in a community like this is the knowledge that a few people are aware of all you do, and talk about you amongst themselves (appropriately of course). It comforts me because I know I can be myself – as it is hard to be anything else, and so when I receive affirmation I know it is me who is being commended, not just an impression of me people might have. It is disturbing for much the same reason, if you do find criticism difficult (and often I do) knowing that people have seen you at your worst can be uncomfortable. Tonight I nearly botched the evening meal, even with ample help and lots of guidance, and basically had to be rescued! I know that the way I handled my failure in the kitchen and the manner in which I reacted to it afterwards will have been noted by a couple of people and will go towards their image of me, be it positive or negative. The challenge then is to trust that those who know you will not judge you, which is a big no no in Pilsdon.
4 days to go. A sermon and a short piece on our Multi faith pilgrims the other week to finish. Perhaps as I am just about starting to get Pilsdon, Pilsdon is just about getting to grips with me!
"Risk taking – a secular community would probably take fewer financial and personal risks … believes in trust and second chances. Sacrificial living – the level of commitment required of the members is hard to parallel in the secular world, where else do you find people on call 6 days a week 24 hours a day who live where they work with no salary for many years?"
I hope you don’t believe that. You will find that there are people of all faiths and none sacrificing their finances and lives to help others. Charity is not uniquely Christian.
I’m looking forward to you being back. Hopefully you guys can come over for a meal at my new house at some point?