It’s been a tough week, both personally and for the community. One of the downsides of doing my journal on a public blog is that there is a limit to the amount of information I can relay, and as most of what I would have wanted to write about this week has been in this category I haven’t blogged much. One of the members here (who has been a member of Pilsdon communities for 13 years or so) told me that at Pilsdon there are high times and low times, and not much time in between, and that has certainly proved true. It is probably fair to say that last week there were a few general disturbances, a couple of fairly public arguments and some general ill feeling, which in turn made minor grievances between individuals blow up and patiences ran thin. I have to admit I was part of this as well, and although I was careful in how I talked with others I was surprised at how angry some people were making me even when it wasn’t me they were being unjust towards. From the guests there was a lot of talk about the issues, and some members as well (perhaps in a more gracious and productive way), which although can be harmful is probably better than the stony silence alternative. As any parish priest will tell you this goes on in any sort of community whether a monastery or a Mothers’ Union, and at a church I once worked in I saw part of my job as dispelling any myths or speculations the parishioners had picked up, or nipping gossip about the leadership in the bud. Yet I sometimes heard in the gossip and the complaining a genuine desire to be heard in a church where there seemed no appropriate forum for this. I think the same would be true here, and I didn’t have the answer then and neither do I have one now.
One of the main grievances which comes up time and time again is that of the difference between member and guest. I may have explained it before, and if you are still unsure after I have attempted to clarify then you can have a look at the Pilsdon website. Both of the Pilsdon communities are overseen by a Guardian, who is an Anglican priest. Then there are the members, who are Christians of all shapes and sizes, made up of singles, marrieds or families, who are willing to make a time commitment to Pilsdon. They aren’t paid but all reasonable living expenses are supplied, including some pocket money. Sometimes volunteers come for around 6 months with around the same conditions. Then there are guests, who can be of any race, creed or gender (orientation etc.), and they are expected to pay for living at Pilsdon, although most are on benefits which more than covers what is required. There are a few criteria for guests, which you can find on the website, but generally all who would benefit from living here for a time go on the waiting list. Then there are wayfarers, who are either homeless and/or travelling people who need a bed for the night, and provided they are sober they can stay for a night or sometimes longer. Visitors like myself come for a shorter time and usually pay a previously arranged amount.
As I see it, there are two main ways that people see Pilsdon. One is as a community of professing Christians (Guardian+Members), who have decided to live together for a given period of time, and this community invites guests and visitors and volunteers to share in their life together. Another is to see it as sheltered accommodation for vulnerable adults which employs staff to organise and manage the premises. I can say with quite a high degree of certainty that the latter is not correct, and yet it is the view held by a large proportion of the guests here, many of whom have spent time in prisons and rehab centres and see Pilsdon as similar (although much better of course, a Benevolent Autocracy as one guest described it). The former description of Pilsdon isn’t perfect either, as one of the main aims of the community is the support of guests, and without any guests Pilsdon would struggle to continue as it is now. Once again I don’t think I have the answer to this yet, but I am glad that in my final week the big questions are starting to become clearer, and I hope I will have the opportunities to ask them before I leave. It is helpful having a few members here who are relatively new to Pilsdon, as they are working out some of the same questions themselves, notably the place of faith in Pilsdon, and it is good to have the perspective of those who are to be here longer than a month – one criticism I have heard here of Tobias Jones’ chapter about Pilsdon in Dorset in “Utopian Dreams” was that his family was only at Pilsdon for a couple of months, which is too short a time to judge the place fairly (although he did say it was the closest to his utopia of all the communities he had visited), and I am wary of making the same mistake.
The atmosphere here seems to be lifting and although some people are struggling with personal issues generally everyone seems calmer. I am pleased to see that my theory of stability in community is not far off the truth, and that the daily routine of meal times, work and prayer (optional) keep the place ticking over through sun and rain. Pilsdon in Dorset has been going for over 40 years, and the Sisters have been at the Abbey for over 90, through many crises and problems I am sure, so they must be doing something right. Community, particularly Benedictine, has a robust quality which is brought about by Stability, and helps us to see how life’s tidal waves can be made manageable. The Taize community, started as it was in the middle of occupied France in the 1940 is an example of this, first offering shelter to Jews running from the Nazis, then to the Nazis running from the Allies. It was able to be a shelter in a time of storm, and it is my prayer that I might be able to achieve this same stability for my own life and ministry.
My Xda now being completely fixed is a very good first step 
There is always LJ, you could use that for posts that need to be flocked.
It will be good to see you back in Cambridge ^_^
Kinda depressing :S
Your blog has offered me a really interesting perspective on aspects of life at Pilsdon Malling, thank you.