I haven’t blogged for a week! How terrible. Well all technology is pretty much up and
running again, so no more excuses. We live in an interesting day and age when I send the items my wife leaves behind on to her via email!
This week has been incredibly long – I drove half way across the country visiting Amy,then 2 Bishops, 2 Archdeacons, A Vocations advisor and a DDO. Oh and Pizza with a Precentor. I was incredibly glad to get back to Pilsdon, although it took me about a day to recover.
This past weekend Amy came down to Pilsdon, which was incredibly busy with a concert for 150 in the chapel on Saturday night and a Eucharist on Sunday evening for welcoming new members with around 40 for a BBQ (which I was supposedly in charge of). Amy left with mixed feelings about the community, which I think was quite different from what she had expected, and she raised a lot of important questions about Pildson, in particular the theology and
methodology behind it. The highlight of her visit for me was the difference in a lot of the guests when she was around. Once again people didn’t change, they just all warmed to the presence of a pretty and acute young lady. The uncouth became gentlemanly, and would address her with almost Victorian titles such as “Your good lady wife” and “madame”. People would give up their seat and draw her pictures, and when she wasn’t around one person said enthusiastically “Your wife’s lovely!” and another “You’ve got a beautiful wife Tiff”. People would start talking about their ex wives for seemingly no reason. Of course I agree my wife is all sweetness and light, but rarely do people I have known only a fortnight tell me quite so frankly! I think perhaps people usually feel it might be a bit rude or presumptuous to compliment you on your other half, or are scared of implying a wife is her husband’s possession. Guests here often talk about how nice it is when there are kids staying in the community, and stories of a two year old who recently stayed with her family are often recalled with affection.
I am half way through and I suppose the problems and limitations of this kind of community are becoming apparent, although I still stick by my first impressions – people here do talk of a honeymoon period, and I don’t doubt it. Predictably some of the hardest things for me to deal with since being here have been personal; since being here I have so enjoyed just chatting with the guests, puffing my pipe and drinking earl grey in between the odd bit of viticulture, but it’s hard to reconcile that with the squeaky clean chubby ordinand who cassocks up on a Sunday to preach obtuse sermons to a room of respectable people. Even getting up from chatting in the cloisters to go to the evening office in the chapel seems like a paradigm shift sometimes, and I find myself wishing I were dressed slightly smarter, or hoping I’m not asked to read in my polished public school voice when my hair’s a mess. No one has said anything to make me feel uneasy, quite the opposite, but living in community, even for a short while, tends to bring out issues which otherwise wouldn’t surface, and although this isn’t a new issue for me it is certainly more obvious in a place like Pilsdon. I suppose my professional question would be: when an issue is identified, what role does the community take in helping to resolve it. To be continued…
Good to hear from you again, and thank you for sharing.
Sounds like a great place, and one that is very, very challenging. God bless.
See, your new life as a trainee Vicar was never going to be straight forward was it.
Glad that you’re coping ok. Love to Amy.